Losing Family, Gaining Family: Memories of Loss
At Imbabazi Orphanage, every child carries a story of loss, survival, and hope. These ten personal narratives reveal the challenges of growing up without parents, the lessons learned within the orphanage walls, and the resilience that shaped their lives. From pursuing education and careers to building families of their own, each story highlights the power of love, guidance, and determination in transforming lives.
I was two years old in 1994 when the Genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda claimed over a million lives and left more than 400,000 children orphaned. I don’t remember my parents or siblings. I was rescued by an elderly man who found me beside the body of an older woman, who seemed to be my grandmother.
I was brought to Roz Carr, an American woman in Mugongo, who sheltered hundreds of children and later founded Imbabazi Orphanage—a place of love, care, and family for children like me. I spent almost 19 years there, forming bonds with 120 children who became my brothers and sisters. The orphanage was my only home, and Roz made sure it felt that way.
In 2013, the Rwandan government began closing all orphanages. At Imbabazi, children were moved out—some reunited with family, others asked to find foster or adoptive homes. For those of us without relatives, this abrupt transition caused fear and instability. I was 20 when I found a foster family through my church, but adjusting was difficult.
The loss of my home inspired my photo project, “Losing Family, Gaining Family: Memories of Loss.” Through photography, I document the lives of the children I grew up with, comparing our past in the orphanage to our lives now. The project explores how we adapted to life beyond the orphanage and preserves the love and care we shared.
Life at Imbabazi was not just survival—it was joy, community, and care. I remember Christmas gifts, Thanksgiving turkey, and the laughter and stories we shared. Photography, introduced to me through the Through the Eyes of Childrenprogram, gave me a voice to tell our story.
This project is part of a broader exploration of motherhood and family in Rwanda, helping me—and others—understand what it means to grow up with love, guidance, and hope despite loss.
Imbabazi may have closed, but the bonds we formed and the lessons we learned remain. This project celebrates the resilience, care, and love of children who grew up in orphanages, reminding the world that family can be found in the most unexpected places.
Nyikonkuru Benjamin joined the orphanage in 1998, during the insecurity that plagued northwestern Rwanda between 1997 and 2000, after the genocide took the lives of his parents. He arrived alongside his younger brother and two older sisters. Benjamin left the orphanage in 2012 to live with his sister, who had married in 2011. His younger brother went to live with the orphanage director, a relative, while his sister had to focus on making a living after completing her vocational training. Today, Benjamin is a father of four and manages a hotel in Musanze. He had the opportunity to finish high school, thanks to a friend of Roz Carr, the founder of Imbabazi Orphanage, who supported him through university. Reflecting on his journey, Benjamin says: "At the orphanage, I learned many valuable skills, including communication. We also had a teacher who taught us English and French, which later helped me speak with Roz’s friend. I shared my dreams with her, and she agreed to fund my university education." Benjamin also shares advice for those running orphanages: "It’s essential to follow up with children even after they reunite with their relatives. Living with my sister was extremely difficult, as she lacked the resources to properly care for me and my younger sibling, who were at very different stages of life."
Christine Mapfasha joined the orphanage in 1997, after the facility where she had lived since 1993 was closed down during the civil war. She remained at the orphanage until 2012, when she was advised to find someone who could foster or adopt her. Christine found a woman from her church willing to take her in. Initially, Christine had studied cooking at a vocational training school, but her new family allowed her to complete high school. After the death of her foster mother, however, she was treated as a maid and unjustly blamed for her foster mother’s death. Heartbroken, she left that household for good. Before her departure, the family asked her to sign a document stating that she no longer needed their support. Christine then went to live with an American missionary, a friend of Roz Carr, who had heard her story and welcomed her in. She stayed with this mentor until she could live independently. Today, Christine earns a living through crocheting, a skill she learned at the orphanage when she was very young. She is among several children who had no information about their biological families, which is why orphanage staff had advised her to seek adoption or fostering. Christine’s advice to foster and adoptive families is heartfelt: "It is heartbreaking to see how some children from orphanages are treated. When they are adopted or fostered, they are promised love, care, and affection. But some families struggle when they realize these children are different from their own, or they expect financial compensation. This can lead to mistreatment. Orphanage staff and government authorities need to follow up to ensure that adopted and fostered children are treated with the care and respect they deserve."
Didie Musabyimana joined the orphanage in 1998 with his older and younger brothers, Desire Ntirenganya, after the death of their parents. He eventually left to live with his older brother, who was already leading an independent life. After finishing primary school, Didie enrolled in vocational training to learn welding, but he was too young—only 16 or 17—when he completed the program. Today, Didie works as a waiter at Kodo’s Coffee Shop, where he has been employed for two years. Reflecting on his journey, he says: "Life was very hard, living in the community without basic needs or someone to guide you. Before joining Kodo’s Coffee Shop, I was a street kid—I didn’t have a home, and my older brother didn’t know how to care for us. My little brother left because of that, and I left too. Life on the street was better than living with him. Kodo was my best friend at the orphanage, which is why he came to my rescue." At the orphanage, Didie was affectionately known as DJ Kayiko (DJ Spoon), responsible for managing the TV sets and selecting the music, movies, and films for the children’s evening entertainment. He once dreamed of becoming a DJ, but that dream faded when the orphanage staff doubted his ability to continue high school. Didie offers heartfelt advice for children living in orphanages: "Study hard and respect the staff. I lost opportunities because of fights I had with the orphanage director." He also has a message for those working in orphanages: "Listen to the children. Be parents to them, not just authorities or chiefs. They need guidance, care, and understanding more than discipline alone."
Desire Ntirenganya joined the orphanage in 1998, during the insecurity that affected the northwestern region of Rwanda after the genocide and claimed the lives of his parents. He was only about one and a half years old when he arrived, together with his two older brothers. Desire left the orphanage in 2012 to join his older brother, who had already left in 2009 and was living independently. He managed to complete three out of six years of high school through the orphanage’s support. When he failed the national exam, the sponsorship was discontinued. However, a childhood friend from the orphanage took him in and helped pay his school fees for three more years, which enabled him to finally finish high school. Today, Desire works as an electronics technician in Kigali, repairing laptops, smartphones, and televisions. He is well known in the city center for his skills and reliability. Reflecting on his upbringing, Desire believes that growing up in an institution affected his ability to learn social etiquette and emotional empathy that would normally be taught within a family structure. He explains: "Living in the orphanage prevented me from learning good manners the way children raised in families do. When I first started living in the community, I did not know how to behave around elders. If I passed without greeting them, they would say, ‘Where is this child from? Where is his mother?’ My neighbors told me I had no heart, no soul, because I didn’t know how to react when someone was hurting or needed comfort. It made me think that if I had lived with my parents—or even someone who truly cared—I would have learned these things naturally."
Mwiza Devota joined the orphanage in 1998 during the insecurity that affected northwestern Rwanda between 1997 and 2000. Her mother had passed away, leaving her father with a disability. She arrived at the orphanage with her older sister and brother. They eventually left in 2011 when they were reunited with their father. Today, Mwiza is a single mother to a two-year-old son and is in her final year at university, studying business. Reflecting on her time at the orphanage, she recalls the unconditional love she received from Roz Carr, the founder: "Roz loved us unconditionally, like her own children. Every child in the orphanage felt that love. We went to the same school, ate the same food, and slept in the same beds. I loved the life of equality we lived—there was no special treatment, whether a child had lost parents in the genocide, in refugee camps, during the civil war, or amid periods of insecurity. This is the kind of love I want to give to my own children and everyone I meet." Mwiza also offers advice to children living in orphanages worldwide: "Focus on your education. Orphanage staff should encourage and guide you to study hard because education is the key to building your future."
Hyacinthe Ndayiragije is a married woman and mother to a nearly four-year-old son. She joined the Imbabazi Orphanage in 2003, reuniting with the legacy of her two older sisters who had lived there since 1996. Hyacinthe had been separated from her sisters in 1994 and spent several years living with relatives before joining the orphanage. She left the orphanage in 2008 to live with her elder sister, who had married a year earlier. Her sister, who had also lived in the same orphanage, wanted to bring her siblings into her new family. Hyacinthe’s time at the orphanage was brief compared to many other children. Reflecting on her experience, she says: "I lived in the orphanage for only four or five years, so I didn’t learn as much as my sisters or other children. What I enjoyed most was simply being together with the other kids and sharing stories all day long." She offers advice for children currently in orphanages: "Study hard and take your education seriously. For caregivers and staff, I would say: let children take part in household chores like cooking, washing, and cleaning. These tasks teach practical skills and prepare them for life outside the orphanage. I’ve seen how difficult it was for my little sister when we moved in with our elder sister because she hadn’t learned these basic life skills."
Issa Uzabakiriho joined the orphanage in 2002 after being found on the street. His parents had died while moving from Uganda to Rwanda, and although he arrived with his older brother, his brother was unable to join him at the orphanage. Issa was among the children advised to find a family to foster or adopt him. He attended vocational training school for two years, learning welding. As a child, he dreamed of becoming a video or music producer, but he never had the opportunity to pursue that path. Today, Issa makes a living translating films from English to Kinyarwanda. Recognizing that education is key to success, Issa returned to school despite the challenges of paying tuition. With support from his fellow orphanage siblings, he completed high school while moving from home to home in search of a family he could call his own. He even found a family through his church, but that arrangement did not work out. Now, he lives independently. Reflecting on his journey, Issa shares: "I have struggled in life because I never had parents or a guardian to guide me and show me the realities of life. I worked hard, but I lacked someone to support me. If caregivers or orphanage staff truly cared about us, life would have been different—they could have stayed connected, offered advice, and checked on our progress. Instead, I often felt the priority was their salaries. To anyone reading my story, I want to say: love and care for every child as if they were your own. You never know what the future holds—tomorrow, it could be your child or relative who needs that same help, love, and guidance."
Kodo Nteziyaremye joined the Imbabazi Orphanage in 2001 after the closure of a center for street children where he had been living since 1996, following the death of his parents. He left the orphanage in December 2012, after completing vocational training in cooking. While doing an internship, he was unexpectedly called to collect his belongings. Today, Kodo runs a small restaurant, which he is in the process of converting into a coffee shop, after working as a waiter for three years. Reflecting on his early life, Kodo recalls: "Imbabazi Orphanage was much better than the street kids’ center, even if Roz Carr, the founder, didn’t like me as much as I imagined because I rarely smiled. She always asked me to smile, but it was hard for me because of what I faced before joining the orphanage. I joined the street kids’ center when I was four and was not treated as a human. Any mistake meant beatings. For instance, we could roam the city, but had to return by 6 PM. If you came back at 6:45, you would be beaten 45 times—imagine someone returning at 8 PM!" Kodo credits the orphanage with teaching him kindness and the importance of helping others: "I learned at the orphanage to be kind and help those in need. That’s why I try to help people with what I have. But society often sees this as a weakness. When I lend money, people don’t pay me back, and this happens to almost everyone I grew up with." In a spirit of giving back, Kodo hired two childhood friends as waiters, helping them because they were struggling in life. Kodo also reflects on his educational journey: "I didn’t get the chance to finish high school because the orphanage staff thought I wasn’t smart enough to repeat a year I failed. Orphans face many mental challenges, and I hope orphanage staff and caregivers listen to the children—they need guidance and support to improve both their well-being and their academic performance. To children in orphanages worldwide, I would say: study hard and work diligently, because education is the only way to build a future and give back."
Raisa Uzamukunda joined the Imbabazi Orphanage in 1996 with her older brother after the death of their parents. She left the orphanage in 2011 after refusing to attend vocational training school following her failure in a national exam, which would have allowed her to study for three years. Raisa chose to leave because she wanted to continue high school and went to live with her brother, who had been expelled from the orphanage in 2007 due to disagreements with the staff and was now working successfully as a tour guide. A year after leaving the orphanage, Raisa became pregnant and moved in with the father of her daughter. Today, she is a mother of two children—a daughter and a son—and is expecting her third child soon. She is also caring for her husband’s brother’s daughter, whose father is an alcoholic and neglectful, seeing this as a way of giving back. Reflecting on her experience, Raisa says the orphanage taught her important life skills: "I learned to live peacefully with everyone, get along with neighbors, and help others. I used to think I would live in the orphanage forever and was surprised when it closed down. After leaving, it was very hard to manage household chores and understand how to behave as a teenage girl, because those responsibilities were not part of life at the orphanage. If I had grown up with parents or someone who truly cared, I wouldn’t have had to give up my dreams due to a pregnancy at a young age." She also offers advice for caregivers and orphanage staff: "Caregivers need to teach children about real life experiences, including reproductive health and community life. Parents educate their own children about everything. Staff should do more than just fulfill their paid duties—they need to genuinely care for the children under their responsibility, or else transitioning into society becomes extremely difficult."
Rose Umubyeyi joined the Imbabazi Orphanage in 2006 with her two nephews after the death of her elder sister, when her father and grandfather were unable to care for them. Her father had another wife, and the father of her nephews had moved to a neighboring country. Rose left the orphanage in 2012 when she was reunited with her father. He provided her with a house and supported her independence. She was the only one living in the house; her nephews went to other relatives—one was adopted by Hyacinthe’s sister, though she later disowned him in 2018, and he became a street child before Roz Carr took him in while Rose was at university. Living alone at the age of 16 without food was extremely challenging. Rose worked on neighborhood farms to support herself, while the orphanage continued to cover her school fees, including university. With small savings from her university allowance, she started a small business selling fabrics at the Musanze market. Reflecting on her time at the orphanage, Rose says: "I liked life at the orphanage because we all shared the same struggles and loved each other like brothers and sisters. What I didn’t like, however, was that lazy children would often send my nephew to do things they didn’t want to do." Rose offers advice to children currently in orphanages: "Respect the orphanage staff. They are the ones shaping your future."